Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Who am I?

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -- don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

"I'm Nobody! Who Are You?", by Emily Dickenson

That's really the question, nowadays.  Who am I?  On the surface, the answer would seem simple.  I'm Elder Tryon.  I'm a gamer geek.  Really, I am a nobody.  From all appearances, I don't really do anything much to change people's lives. 

Yet, for all that, I must be doing something right; my mother got a message recently from one of the members of our congregation. She said that I was doing an awesome job, that she really appreciated all the work that I had been doing in Philadelphia.

It's good that someone thinks so.  Back in Philly, I was getting really down, to tell the truth.  Nobody seemed interested in anything I had to tell them.  Imagine that you're standing on a street corner trying to hand out hundred dollar bills while thousands of people pass by and ignore you.  I mean, this message that we bring can bless people so much, but they just don't seem to want to do anything.

It's just so hard to see where I come in here.  I am one of the Lord's missionaries, one of about 52000 spread about the world.  What exactly am I supposed to be doing here?  I was barely managing with real life, and now I'm supposed to move into the internet again.  I'll be honest, it's a little intimidating.  As one of his representatives, everything that I post, like, or comment on reflects on Him.

Sure, I guess I seem like a whiny, teenage emo kid.  I'm not, don't get me wrong.  I love life.  I just need to know where I fit in.  Who benefits from me being here?  I'm here, sitting in a library while my companion works on his Facebook account.  I'm a Facebook luddite, so I'm just trying to do what I can to share about myself my own way. (I've always preferred writing to social interaction anyway.)

It's really easy to get discouraged as a missionary.  I haven't surfed the internet for almost a year.  All of my previous internet experience was more webcomics and forums, things like that.  I'm more than a bit lost.  Most of the people who, a month ago, wanted to be baptized, have dropped off the face of the earth because they are unwilling to keep the commandments of God.  People who are able do not come to church, choosing instead to sleep in, play football, or get drunk.

The best thing that helps me understand and keep going is just to focus on what truly is important.  I know that I am a child of God.  He's put me here for a specific purpose.  Even if I don't know why exactly I'm here in Salisbury MD, I know that I am here to help the children of God come back to him.  That's worth any sacrifice.

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